I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
