Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
