it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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