before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
