community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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