It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
