Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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