would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
