Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
