Capitaan dildo arrescate!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize