Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
