so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
