I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
