Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
