I look better un-naked...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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