Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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