Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
