Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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