turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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