OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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