Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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