i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
