New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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