ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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