One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
