dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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