If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
