i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
