Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
