I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
