He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
