I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
