my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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