6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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