you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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