If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
