I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
