I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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