Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
