My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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