it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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