We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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