You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
