New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
