No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
