you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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