"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
