Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
