Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
