She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I will be naked everywhere
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
