I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
