So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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