She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
