you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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