Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
