DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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