In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
