I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
