he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
