She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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