her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
