i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
