I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize