Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
