Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
