Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
