I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
