I looked at my own cervix.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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