I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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